Bond with me

Today i came to the conclusion that i want to develop a bond with you all and tell you something so deep that effects me everyday, well i guess like a plaster its best to just rip it off. . . I have had very bad self esteem to the point where 70-80% of the time i hated myself and the way i look mostly down to my weight, i take a lot of "selfies" to hide the fact that it takes all my restraint not to try and cut off the fat i used to be size 8-10 and 65kgs a healthy weight and i gained 40kg and size 18-20 in just over a year.

Before Weight gain this is at 63.5 kgs

I want address this right now, I am not doing this for pity, i am doing it to educate young women on the fact that there is no need to hate yourself anymore, the girls i see on the front of shop windows, some girls look like that but the truth is that most don't. And to be brutally honest all i want to say to these shops is "f#@k OFF!" and for them to stop cultivating so many young girls to hate them selves by saying that what they advertise is beautiful, sexy or hot whilst inadvertently making girls think well i don't look like that so that must mean i am not beautiful by cross examination.

This is now at 110kgs

I do understand that its not just the retailers fault its society in general and the current standards of beauty. However using images of Photoshopped women is basically meaning all this self loathing is based on the lie within the images that these women are really like the photo when in fact they could be 10kgs heavier and have stretch marks but they remove that to make society happy. 

Sorry for the long rant but i feel so much anger and sadness in regards to this topic as it effects me and the people i love personally and it needs to change.